The Strange World We Live in

This is my favorite!

2007-05-10T20:07:52Z

I told you I sucked at Spanish!

2007-05-10T19:47:24Z

cjsouder @ 2007-05-10T15:42:00

2007-05-10T19:46:54Z

cjsouder @ 2007-05-10T15:36:00

2007-05-10T19:38:24Z

cjsouder @ 2007-05-10T15:32:00

2007-05-10T19:34:59Z

life is weird

2007-05-01T18:50:36Z

so I think i may move back to Tennessee. There are no problems with my life here in NY, but I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm supposed to move back. I am a Christian and am used to praying about big decisions, and praying that God would guide my steps and lead me to make good decisions, and I'm used to seeing confirmations and reassurances, and feeling a gentle pull in one direction or another. But only twice in my life have I felt like God was hitting me over the head saying "you need to do this!" and this is one of those times. I have to say that I'm scared out of my wits. I've finally found a good job in NYC, and while I do still have a lot of debt that I need to pay off, I've got a job where I'm making enough that I can do that eventually. I've just started a class in Alexander Technique, and I've just joined and started going to the gym. When I move, what will I do then? I'll have to find another job, making oodles less. I'll have to find a place to live (I can't stay in my parents' guest room forever). I'll have to change guard units. Again. The only good, sure thing that I'm moving to is a church. I've not been able to find a church that I like in NYC. They're all so huge...I went to one this entire summer and never saw any of the same people twice. So there is no way to meet people at church, and I think it is important to have friends that share the same beliefs as you.

I know this probably sounds ridiculous to everyone, but I really think moving is what I need to do. It doesn't make any sense...but then, I guess if it did make sense, it wouldn't require much faith, would it?

Anyone Like the Mets?

2007-04-30T18:13:30Z

I love baseball!! I still haven't really decided which major league teams I like the best, but I know I like the RedSox and therefore can't like the Yankees. So if I need to like a NY team, the Mets will work for me!

There is a girl I work with in the guard who is good friends with whoever it is that owns the Mets. So on Armed Forces day, our guard unit is doing a flyover at the Mets game, and they are providing 100 free tickets to guard members. Plus, this girl is trying to get them to let me sing the National Anthem before the game starts! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE (I cackle maniacally when I'm really excited about something) Can you imagine me singing the National Anthem at a Mets game?!?!?!? YAY!!!

Yay for Vegetarianism!!

2007-04-30T17:43:14Z

Ok, so I know that I am the last person any of you would have ever thought would become a vegetarian, but I think I am taking that plunge! I want to lose weight, and the only diet ever shown to actually help you keep weight off forever is that of a vegetarian's. Plus, it means I'm much less likely to suffer from certain types of cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes than if I continue as a non-vegetarian. And it's very ecologically sound, too. Did you know that it only takes 300 gallons of water a day to provide sustenance for a vegetarian, but it takes 4,000 gallons of water a day to provide sustenance to a non-vegetarian? Those animals drink a lot of water...

And as long as I'm in the city anyways, there are a ton of great vegetarian/vegan restaurants around. Last night I went to one called the Red Bamboo with my friend, Josh. I got the Creole Soul Chicken (soy "chicken") with a yummy vegan mushroom gravy, sweet corn mashed potatoes, and steamed veggies. It was numalicious!

more work frustrations...

2007-04-18T21:00:34Z

My boss is going to Birmingham next week for a choir tour (he directs a 100 voice all male Christian choir). He wanted me to look up cab companies to reserve one to take him from the airport to his hotel, so I spent some time looking and didn't find anything, and then the travel agent (who is based in Birmingham) said that Birmingham didn't have any cab companies that would take advance bookings like that, but that there were always cabs at the airport and that he shouldn't have any trouble getting one of those. So I told him this and he basically says that the travel agent is dumb and that I need to find him a cab and make a reservation. Well, now I've just spent the last hour and a half (at least) trying to find a cab company that will take a reservation and there are none. Why doesn't my boss understand that Birmingham, AL is not like NYC? Things are different there--everybody already has their own cars, and the only time they need a taxi is to or from the airport, and there are probably not too many instances where that happens, hence no need for a reservation! You get to the airport, you follow the great big "TAXI" signs that every airport is equipped with, you walk outside and you get into one of the taxis that are already there. I have done it numerous times in several places including Fairbanks, AK, Knoxville, TN, and Biloxi, MS. All small airports, and all equipped with at least two taxis that are ALWAYS there. Whatever. I'm over the boss.

p.s. I did finally figure out the whole tax, printing off and sending in thing. Yay for other people who work here who already know how to work the stupid computers.

taxes suck!!

2007-04-17T17:13:52Z

ok, so I'm freaking out a little. I finished my taxes on Sunday, but I didn't have my tax return from last year with me, so they wouldn't let me sign my taxes electronically. So I was able to go ahead and e-file my taxes, and once they were accepted by the IRS, they sent me another form that all I had to do was print out, sign, and mail. But the computers here won't let me print the damn thing out!! I even ran around the corner and tried three different computers at the Kinko's but none of those computers would even load the website! I called my friend, Josh, to see if I could use his computer, but of course he doesn't even have a printer. Why does my life suck? AUGHH!!! And now what if I have to pay fines or get audited or put in jail because of my inability to print a stupid piece of paper? TAXES SUCK!!

Oh, and P.S.: New York taxes are the most inane, retarded, confusing things that were ever created. They insisted on knowing how much of my federal pay was earned while I was actually in NY, and how much was earned in TN. They only gave me one W-2, and while it has the amount of NY taxes I paid (which I assume was paid for the amount I earned while living in NY), that is not enough. They are stupid and I hate them!

I never know what to put in the subject heading...

2007-04-10T21:05:20Z

you know...I know you all probably won't believe me when I say this, but I generally think of myself as a nice-looking girl with a decent figure. But then I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or see a picture of myself and I think "Ohmigosh...I look awful" I'm tired of feeling that way. I want to actually look the way I feel and feel good about the way I look.

I've been keeping track of what I'm eating via FitDay.com, and it's frustrating cause I really don't eat that much. I know that I do definitely eat out more often than I should, and that has to be what's keeping me from losing weight, but still...when I don't know how/don't like to cook and I don't have a microwave how many options are there?

Even in college, there would be months and months where I was mostly eating nothing but celery and Lean Cuisines and I never lost weight. The only time I did lose weight I was getting ready to go to basic training and eating nothing but veggie subs with no condiments or cheese, and Slim Fast shakes, not to mention that I was getting up almost every morning to run 2 miles and then lift weights in the Bubble. Is that the only thing that's gonna help me get in shape this time, cause the only gym I can afford is the Curves, and Slim Fast shakes get heavy when the grocery store is six blocks away from your house...

I'm sorry I'm whining. And I feel even worse, cause really I am in pretty good shape. I can still do 10-15 pushups (not great ones, but passable) and 60 or so situps in two minutes. And I can still run a mile and a half in about 15-16 minutes, if I have to. I'm just tired of my body not being proportionate to the vision I have of myself in my head. Well, it's not really proportionate to my actual head, either. Alas...

Yay for Irving Berlin!

2007-04-06T18:51:20Z

I went dancing last night for the first time since I got to the city. I just don't like going to dances when I don't know anybody. I did get asked to dance a few times, though, and I even got brave enough to ask somebody myself. I just didn't feel like I was dancing well. All of the guys I danced with kept leading me in things that I didn't get. Like this one guy kept leading a turn, so I would turn and then he would say that I wasn't supposed to turn. So then what was he trying to get me to do? I don't get it. I miss Knoxville, where at least I don't feel completely stupid when I dance...

Also...! I found out that they still have an Easter Parade on Easter Sunday. Does anyone remember the movie with Judy Garland and Fred Astaire? hehe. And they stop traffic for a few hours and people show up in droves dressed to the nines to stroll down the street and show off their own/look at other people's hats. Well, I didn't have time (or money) to find a milliner and buy a nice hat so today I went to the art store and bought some stuff to make my own. I got a mini glue gun (a must), a straw hat, some fake flowers, and to top it all off and make it absolutely fabulous--a mini plastic pink flamingo!

I'll try to get pictures. I think this will be a blast!

P.S. I'm not sure that all of these lyrics are 100% accurate, but I wanted to post it anyway. Yay for Irving Berlin!

In your Easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it,
You'll be the grandest lady in the Easter Parade.
I'll be all in clover and when they look you over,
I'll be the proudest fellow in the Easter Parade.
On the avenue, Fifth Avenue, the photographers will snap us,
And you'll find that you're in the rotogravure.
Oh, I could write a sonnet about your Easter bonnet,
And of the girl I'm taking to the Easter Parade.

cjsouder @ 2007-04-05T15:02:00

2007-04-05T19:07:36Z

ok. i'm currently a little pissed. So I work with several composers and orchestrators and whatnot. One of them has been working on this one song for quite awhile and today he brought in some girl to sing it for on a demo recording that he's sending to Disney. Anyway...yeah, she totally sucks. She's in there singing right now, and he's having to literally teach it to her line by line--which means that she can't read music, or at least not passably. Plus, she's completely off pitch. How is this girl being paid to do this when she sucks? He knows I sing! And he could get me to do it for free, if he would just freakin' ask me!

P.S. I want to apologize for using this merely as a platform on which to vent my frustrations. Sorry.

cjsouder @ 2007-04-03T15:36:00

2007-04-03T19:49:15Z

i never know what to write. I want to write, but then I get here and have nothing to say.

I'm tired of making excuses about not auditioning. I want to be an actress, but I am so wishy washy and wimpy that I haven't made a real effort at finding or working on audition pieces, or finding auditions to go to. When did I become so lazy and so gosh-darn complacent about everything? Heaven knows that I do not want to spend the rest of my life working in some office, but there is no way I'm gonna get out of that unless I start making a name for myself and that isn't going to happen until I've been to a couple hundred auditions. At least. Probably more.

And the thing is...I keep making excuses about not having enough money to do a lot of the things that you should have before you go to auditions, but none of those things are really holding me back. Sure, they might be the difference between getting hired and not getting hired, but at least then I still have a shot at getting hired. If I audition, then my chance of getting hired is a big fat ZERO.

However, I'm also getting a little pissed at all the probing comments people keep making about my "professional" life here. I'm only 25. If I don't audition right now, that does not mean that I absolutely have no chance of ever getting a job. I'm not that close to retirement. My roommate is at the same place I am professionally (nowhere) and she just turned 30. I have plenty of time to figure out what I want to do, or don't want to do, and I have plenty of time to get somewhere. I wish that people would just get off my back. I long for support, but I long for honest support, not pigeonholing.

Ok. I think I'm done rambling for today. I think that I will go look at Backstage.com and look at the audition announcements. I'm trying to get better at being proactive. I honestly am...

blah!

2007-03-29T21:20:45Z

I understand when people get busy and don't have a lot of time on their hands to keep up with old friends, etc. And I understand when people grow apart and fill spaces left by old friends with new friends and new jobs, etc. But.

I have a friend who has gone away to grad school. I've tried calling him a couple of times over the last year, and I've tried sending him emails. He will have nothing to do with me apparently. He writes back to others of our mutual friends--friends that I didn't think he was even very close to before. So why doesn't he write back to me? Have I done something wrong? I'm especially concerned because now that I live in NYC and am not closely located to many people I know, it's hard to make friends up here, and I don't want to lose the ones I've already got. There are even people here in the city who, before we moved said that we would see eachother and do things occasionally. But since getting here, they've had nothing to do with me. I've never thought of myself as a clingy person, or as a particularly demanding or annoying person, but there must be something that I'm doing to turn these people away.

Sometimes I just wish that I was a different person altogether...

cjsouder @ 2007-03-26T13:00:00

2007-03-26T17:11:28Z

Ok, well, with this being my first post, obviously I'm new to this. I know some of my friends are livejournalers, but I don't know everybody's names, nor do I know how to find and add those people whose names I do know. I'm confuzzled.

For those who don't know, I started a new job three weeks ago as an assistant at a small music production company. So far it's ok. I get frustrated with my boss a lot, but then who doesn't ever get frustrated with a boss? Actually I'm pretty sure that he's got Asberger's Syndrome (can also be spelled Asperger). So far, as part of my job, I've booked rental cars, plane flights, hotel rooms, ordered soda and water and printer cartridges, labeled files, and taken my other boss's watch to Tiffany's for repairs. Also, I've been to drop off some things at the Salvation Army, and last week I spent two days trying to get some pictures framed.

I'm actually sitting at work right now. But the only tasks I have today are to print some CD labels (which I dare not print off until I receive the word from El Bosso, who is in Westhampton today, that the CD labels I created are ok), and to fedex some stuff to the company's accountant, and I've already printed out the FedEx shipping label. Work complete.